You live with your spouse. You see them every day. But why does it feel like lately they have been a million miles away?
How is it possible that this person you know so well has started feeling like a stranger?
And most importantly, how can you get them to come back to you?
There are several reasons why your spouse may have been creating distance from you.
None of these reasons are easy to hear, but the good thing is that you have the POWER to do something about them.
So it’s time to bite the bullet and take a look at the top 5 reasons why your spouse may be pulling away from your marriage, and what you can do about each one:
1. Your spouse doesn’t feel appreciated by you
In a healthy marriage, each spouse feels respected, valued and appreciated by the other.
Your spouse needs to feel that you love them for who they are (despite any faults) and appreciate all the good things they do.
Think about your interactions with your spouse at home. Do you tend to notice all the helpful things they do, or are you mostly complaining about all the things they HAVEN’T done?
When complaints and criticism replace appreciation and respect, the warning bells start to ring.
So if you want to pull your spouse back and form a close connection again, you need to start showing your appreciation for them.
Try your best to let any negatives go during this time and instead focus on your spouse’s positives. You may be amazed at the change in their behavior.
2. Your sex life isn’t great
Sex is also a vital element of a satisfying marriage. With sex comes intimacy, closeness and physical release.
Unfortunately, there are many things that can get in the way of an exciting and fulfilling sex life. Kids, work, tiredness, conflict, differences in sexual desire… the list goes on.
But the effects of a lackluster sex life can be extremely damaging for a marriage. In fact, this is the main reason for which men tend to stray (as well as a smaller percentage of wives).
So if your sex point has hit a low point, it’s important to try to get your ‘mojo’ back.
In order to do this, you may have to talk about it with your spouse. Find a time where you are both calm, have no distractions and are alone, so you can talk in private.
Start the convo gently, letting your spouse know that your sex life is important to you and you’d like to come up with ways that can make it better for both of you.
In your discussion, try to openly express to one another what you are wanting in the bedroom (in terms of sexual preferences, frequency of sex, etc). Listen to what your spouse is saying with no judgments.
Remember, everyone is slightly different when it comes to sex and there is no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. Instead, it is about working together to come up with the best way to meet each of your needs.
Once you have figured out what you want, identify anything that is currently getting in the way of your sex life, and how you can clear these hurdles together.
As awkward, embarrassed, or vulnerable you may feel bringing sex up, it may be the VITAL step which brings you and your spouse back together.
3. You’ve let yourself go
Think back to the person you were when your partner fell in love with you. Do you still have all the great things going for you that you had back then?
Do you still make an effort to maintain your health, fitness and appearance?
Do you still have an active social life and a few hobbies you’re involved in?
The hard truth is that if you’ve let a lot of these attractive qualities go over the time you’ve been with your spouse, this may be the reason they’ve started to lose interest and pull away from you.
They may still be committed to you, but not feel the same level of love they once did.
If this is the case, it’s time to start getting your most vibrant and attractive self back again!
4. Your spouse has other priorities
Your spouse’s distance from you may be a sign that they are not currently making your marriage a high enough priority, or are struggling to achieve a healthy balance in their life.
A lot of their time and attention may currently be being taken up by work, children, aging parents, friends or hobbies – which leaves little quality time for your marriage.
There’s no way around it – a marriage needs time and attention to work.
So it’s time to have a talk with your spouse about each of your priorities and how you balance your time.
Explain to your spouse how you are feeling and let them know that you would like to have more quality time as a couple.
If there are practical issues getting in the way, such as conflicting work hours or childcare, see how you can negotiate to come up with a better plan – your marriage is worth it.
5. You are not meeting your spouse’s emotional needs
When it comes to saving a marriage, meeting each other’s emotional needs is the CRITICAL point we keep coming back to.
When a spouse feels that their emotional needs are not being met, the warning bells will again start to ring. In fact, this is the situation in which WIVES, in particular, may stray from their husbands.
Feeling neglected, a woman may start to confide in a close male friend or colleague, and before you know it their friendship turns into something physical.
Don’t let this happen to your marriage.
Make sure that you are giving your spouse time and attention, listening to what they have to say, soothing them when they are distressed, and giving them plenty of affection.
Turn TOWARDS your spouse instead of away.
I hope this post has helped you to recognize any danger signs that may have caused your spouse to start pulling away from you – and what you can do to pull them back.
Thank you. But I need advice on something else. And you seem to be the perfect person to ask.
I used to get into relationships a lot. It was easy for me. So after the last one ended, I decided to be calm, and take my time to find myself and real purpose in life, then the relationship will complement my purpose, and even that of my partner.
Thing is, after 7, 8, and 9 months, I feel ready. The problem is that I have met great girls and we’ve become friends – something that rarely happened – and I have wanted to start a relationship on about 3 or 4 occasions, but as soon as it’s close to budding, I pull back – often leaving my potential partner confused.
I can’t seem to commit. But I want to.
Please what is the issue? And how can I fix it?