Do you want to save your marriage and depression is the
Have you sensed that your spouse is going through a trying
Is he or she displaying signs of sadness or depression?
Do you wonder how you can support your partner through
the challenges presented by marriage and depression?
Has the depression caused serious marital problems?
It can be difficult when your spouse is going through a
season of depression or is clinically depressed.
You might try so hard to make him or her feel better to no
avail. Not only does depression affect the sufferer, it also
affects those closes to them.
You may feel tired, frustrated, and even feel powerless.
Today I’d like to discuss several tangible things you
can do to help save your marriage when your spouse is
There are all sorts of problems that marriages face and
emotional ones are no exception.
When one of the partners in a marriage is depressed, a
logical flow on effect is trouble for the marriage itself. It’s
times like this that the onus falls upon you to lead you and
your spouse through the troubled times and seek out help.
The spouse might be depressed because they have lost their
job, are severely ill, overly stressed from work, or chemically
Romanticism would state that love can be the ultimate medicine
for all problems, but in reality it’s most likely not enough.
Though you love your partner, you may need to take some
additional steps to help them cope with and treat depression.
** Have a discussion **
It is a good idea to have a conversation with your spouse
about your observation of their depression.
Tell them that you’ve noticed some of the signs and you are
Ask your spouse if they would be willing to share what is
bothering them and if there is anything you can do to help.
Even though they may not feel you can help them, asking or
offering help is a reminder to them that depression is not a
burden that has to be shouldered alone.
Even though it may be difficult, you must sit down and
have a heart to heart with your spouse – especially if you feel it
has caused the marriage severe discord.
Getting the subject out in the open is the first step towards
taking the fear out of depression. The next is finding out
how to react to and treat it.
** Evaluate treatment options **
Those that suffer from depression do have some effective
Discuss the possibility of seeking a therapist who
specializes in depression.
Your spouse may simply need to talk openly and honestly to a
counseling professional to get through the depression or learn
effective coping skills.
If the depression is more serious or due to a chemical
imbalance, they could begin taking an antidepressant that
can reduce or eliminate symptoms.
Just getting out there and addressing the issue is a
wonderful first step toward managing the depression.
** Refrain from excessive caretaking **
Sometimes when a person becomes mildly or moderately
depressed, they may not feel like doing their normal duties
around the house.
They may want to spend more time sleeping, leaving you to
take care of all the duties.
Though you may be tempted to take the brunt of the
workload, refrain from excessive caretaking.
He or she may be going through a difficult time, but they
must still take responsibility for getting to a solution
to their issues.
If you continually do everything for them, they may be
perfectly fine to remain in this state of depression for years
while your life is sucked right out of you.
Yes, you have to take care of your loved one, but you also
need to take care of yourself. Stand firm and discuss your
feelings if you feel they are building up and causing
Tell them that you love them and that you will
support them, but at the same time challenge them
to recognize their depression and take some
responsibility towards treatment.
You can be their husband or wife, lover, and support
person. But you cannot be their nurse, parent, or
emotional punching bag.
Recognize your limits and work together with your
loved one to make sure they get the correct level of
support they need, including but not exclusively you.
** Be patient and loving **
I’m sure your spouse does not want to be suffering from
Try to be as patient and loving as you can.
Many times the period of depression will lift on its own
and things will be back to normal.
Be extra loving and try to understand that your spouse is
not deliberately trying to hurt you or destroy the
Remember, patience is paramount.
Your spouse might not be able to love you right now. It’s
not personal. They may not even love themselves all that
much until they are able to get on top of their depression.
Remember, there are times when you are being called to a
deeper level of loving. This is one of these times. The love
and support you offer your spouse in their depression may
be the only thing that helps draw them out of this.
Your love right now may be the most important gift you can
Love them. Treasure them. Help them.
Best of luck.